Will You Know My Name

“Cause I know I don’t belong, here in heaven…”

I shut my ipod off. I’ve been on this bench for almost two hours now and yet I haven’t finished my poem. All I see on my paper are doodles of all kind.

I’ve been staring at a plant that I can’t remember the name when suddenly someone tripped on my foot and almost landed on top of me. 

“Watch it!” 
“Oh! I’m sorry!” the guy stared at me. “And you are?”
I made a face. “I’m irritated.” I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“I see you’ve been here for quite a while now,” he settled on the spot beside me. I frowned.
Maybe he felt I didn’t have even the slightest intention to respond, so he continued, “What’s keeping you busy?”
I sighed heavily. Who is this guy? I’m not in the mood to socialize.
“Some stuff.” I was surprised at how flat my voice sounded.
“Okay. I know I shouldn’t have tripped on your foot on purpose…” I shot him a dagger look. 
“But I really meant what I said, I’m sorry. I really am.” He was silent for a moment. 
“I’m Nathan by the way. Sorry if I irritated you.” Then he was on his way to the next bench. I didn’t notice him there before. 

Then he was minding his own business not long after he left me. He seemed nice though, it was not easy to apologize just after a prank. I have to give him some credit for that. So on my way home, I decided to be friendly at least for one last time.

“I accept your apology.” He lifted his face from the book he was reading. “Aside from irritated, I’m Harley.”
He smiled. He wasn’t that bad after all. “I apologize again. Watch your step on your way home.”
“I will.”

I haven’t seen the guy since then. But one afternoon while I was waiting for an old friend from college to show up, I found myself sitting on the same bench again. I looked around and I saw him right on the bench where I first saw him. He felt someone was staring at him so he looked my way and smiled at recognition. He got up and sat beside me.
“May I join you?” I think the politeness was to avoid my sarcasm reflex.
“Sure.”
Then he sat there beside me, on the same spot as he did before. I couldn’t remember how long we have been there talking. Then we had to go and say our goodbyes. We didn’t arrange to meet again, but on the following day, and the next and the next, I found myself sitting on the bench at random times of the day and found him on the opposite bench just like before. I made a new friend, I said to myself as I was walking home one afternoon. 

One afternoon, while we were both lost in our little worlds, he was staring out into nothingness and I was reading a novel I can’t seem to finish, he begun humming a familiar tune.
”Will you know my name, if I saw you in heaven…” he was still staring at something I don’t know of.
“Nice song.” I commented.
“My favorite. Have you ever wondered about that?”
“About what?”
“If you’ll recognize me in heaven?”
“I don’t know, maybe. Why?”
“Cause this will be the last time you’ll ever see me.”
“What? I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry if I never told you this.”
I waited impatiently. 
“Aren’t you curious that the others here in the park don’t talk to me? You’re the only one who can see me.”
I was frozen. 
“I guess you got it right. Silence means yes.” He chuckled. “Well, I have to go then. He’s waiting for me.”
“Who?” I almost stattered.
“St. Peter. He only allowed me 100 days to stay here.”
“He’s real?” My eyes widened.
“Of course.” He smiled.
“Is it over? Why did you spend it with me? You were supposed to spend it with the person you loved the most or someone you have unfinished business with.”
He was silent for a moment.
“I guess I don’t have an answer to that question.”
“That’s new.” I teased.
Then I pretended to be reading again. When I glanced on his side of the bench, he was gone. I can’t believe it. A friendly ghost. Casper? I just entertained myself to avoid freaking out.

Days passed and I kept on coming back to that bench. He was gone indeed. I know he wasn’t coming back but I just can’t stop the habit of coming there. Days stretched into weeks and months, but still I never saw him. He was a good friend. There was even a point when I thought I liked him. But it’s over now. He’s gone. He wasn’t even human when I met him. Gee, I have a sixth sense.

Then I was standing here in a brightly lit room. It had white walls, and even a white ceiling. It had no doors or windows. I couldn’t remember anything from yesterday. All I could remember was that there was a big truck coming towards me when I was on my way home from the park. I couldn’t remember if it hit me. Thanks to my reliable memory.

I was concentrating on remembering the details before I got here, then the door opened. A middle aged man peeped in.

“Oh. There you are. Come here.” His face was so peaceful. I remembered what Nathan said. Maybe this is St. Peter. Maybe not.

He brought me to a place where there were thousands who were falling in line. I can’t stand it. I have to know where I am. 
“Uhm. Excuse me. Am I dead?”
He turned to face me. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you. Yes you are. Just fall in line here then you’ll be on your way in no time.”
“On my way where? And there are thousands in line. When will be my turn?”
“Look closely. It’s moving swiftly.” Then I looked at the line. It was moving swiftly.
“You’ll be on your way to heaven.”
Then he was gone. Why did people in heaven liked to leave me just like that? First Nathan, then St. Peter. I sighed.

I was falling in line quietly when someone suddenly tripped on my foot.
“Watch it!”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
I was frozen at the spot. It was Nathan.
“Hi Nathan.” I said shyly.
“Hello.” He answered with the same shyness but with obvious confusion.
“Don’t you recognize me? You came back to earth and met me there. In the park. Don’t you remember me?”
He was really confused now. 
“I guess you really don’t recognize me.”
“I’m really sorry.” He turned to leave, but turned again. “But I have a twin brother though. He’s Jonathan. Maybe he’s the one you’re referring to. Since I died, I’ve always been here. I apologize for him. He really has that irritating habit of pretending to be me. We look really alike.” He smiled Jonathan’s smile.
“Oh.” Was all I can manage to say.

Nice one Jonathan. Nice one.

I faced the line again and continued to follow the woman in front of me. The line was incredibly moving so fast. I didn’t dare look behind me because I know that Nathan wouldn’t be there. 

I was enjoying the silence and was thinking about what heaven would look like. “Will you know my name…” I was singing in my mind. Just then Nathan showed up at my side. “If I saw you in heaven.” He continued what I was thinking.
“I didn’t know one can hear each other’s thoughts here in heaven.” I teased him. 
He just smiled. “Hi Harley. I still know your name.”
“Jonathan?”
He just stood there smiling that familiar smile. 


MVJLO 05.02.2010